Thread: Funny Jokes, Emails, Etc...

laffin....yer silly.

He really did act like he was on weed!!

Res, I loved it, roflmao. That one was super!

Baked Beans - This is hilarious!

One day, I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!'

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans, I had consumed, were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room, I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'

I fainted!!!

That was a good one Moutaingal

Grace, I definitely took note of that one. Tho baked beans aren't my favorite, I will never think I'm alone when I'm blindfolded for any reason! (I know hubby too well, and he can be sneaky when he wants too,lol. Kinda like the year he hid Christmas presents in the camper for me and I had no idea we were even going to exchange any. Kinda made me feel bad since all my money had gone towards the bills, but he'd been hiding a dollar here and there to do this for me. It was sweet, but still hard for me as I had nothing but a card for him with a couple dollar scratch offs in it.) I made him make a deal with me. Unless we both agree, no gifts from then on. My greatest gift is him, so there's nothing to top that one.
In fact, we decided last Christmas, we're done putting up a tree and all the other decorations. It just wasn't fun without any grandkids to enjoy them. Made us more sad. So they'll stay packed away, no more buying new Christmas toys, and we'll just enjoy another day with one another and celebrate Christ's birthday our way.

I enjoy reading everyone's jokes.

At the church meeting, the preacher announced, "Anyone with a special concern or problem who wants to be prayed over, please come forward." Billy Bob got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Billy Bob, what is your need that you want me to pray about?”
Billy Bob replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand on Billy Bob’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Billy Bob’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a blue streak for Billy Bob and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Billy Bob, how is your hearing now?"
Billy Bob answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.”